Nothing is true....everything is permitted

Monday, Monday....

2008-06-02T13:35:00.006-05:00

Two things. I really love that Mommas and the Poppas song. I wonder if there are more spikes in blog posts on Mondays or weekends? For a while I have been threatening to actually post on weekends since I hardly had the time or motivation to do so on weekdays due to a demanding job schedule. That obviously never happened but my job reality changed allowing me to choose when to dedicate time to post. Not that this will be a regular occurrence since trumpeting any post as such guarantees I won't post again for a few months.

I recently changed positions at my company which was not necessarily by choice. My old position was being morphed into one that meant I would take on less technical and client management issues and focus more on sales. Yuck! The only reason I took my original position with the company despite it being less technical than my previous job (a straight up email server administrator) was because of how sick I was working for my former employer as a contractor and the bump in pay. Cut to 2 years of me working a few 10/12 + hour days a week and a lot of weekends without more pay and I can see I will soon be as sick of this job as the former. Added to that issues of personal development that I just recently realized directly impact my work life all add up to me desperately looking for any change in my work reality.

All of this has led me to chase any non related work distraction that comes my way all while doing the trickle of work that still comes way, of which this post is one of them.
Of course somewhere in the back of my mind I am fretting about being found out for not doing much of late but some of that is also my lack of perspective. After all I am the same sucker who did not have a problem with working 10+ hours days. But I am working on that too.......

Sickly news...

2008-01-09T12:05:00.000-06:00

Despite being sick I still have the pleasure of working, albeit from home. Though I appreciate the flexibility to work from home I rarely take advantage of it. I don't feel comfortable working from home as I feel I need to be extra responsive. Not that I am not ultra responsive thanks to the blackberry, but thanks to an ingrained guilt/work ethic I feel I need to prove I am worthy of being trusted to work from home less I spoil it for everyone. Most, not all, of my peers use this flexibility as expected, to hide away and do anything but work which I should be doing also but cannot thanks to the aforementioned guilt ethic.

More importantly home is very sacred to me and I would prefer not to sully that with anything work related. Up until recently I worked from home after putting in a full day at the office. Circumstances have changed so that I don't work as much after hours so I try to work only from the office. Regardless, whenever I plan to work from home issues arise that require I stay or maybe I perceive there is too much to do to allow me to work from home. Self delusion is a topic for a separate post.

So here I am on the couch with Cletus taking conference call, sending emails, etc. all while trying to ward off the impending goofiness from my illness. Two bright spots today for me to take the edge off. First and foremost there is a tentative list of cities Radiohead will play during this summer's tour. I plan on going out east and west for shows as well as catching the Dallas and local show. The other one came courtesy of boingboing.net which introduced me to my hero for today pictured right.

Back at the salt mines......

2007-12-20T13:06:00.000-06:00

Long time no write so I am going to move forward as if I have been writing continuously about the day to day minutiae of my life.

I have been doing a lot of traveling for work the last 2 weeks. I flew to our offices in San Jose two weeks ago, Andover MA a week ago, and Chicago just yesterday. Business travel is pretty tiring and trying at times. I don't know how the road warrior types do it but I guess like any other human endeavor people adapt. It was nice to be around some winter like weather, I was able to visit some friends in San Francisco, and was only delayed once out of 8 flights I took. Plus this travel put me over the mileage hump to make elite class with Continental like a real businessman which brings me to the thought behind this post.

Business meetings are still something I am getting used to. Despite having worked in some kind of office environment for almost 2 decades I still enter every meeting/conference call thinking this will be the time I will be found out as a some punk kid faking it in an adult world. Other contemporaries, insides and out of IT, have echoed similar sentiments.

I know that my lack of self confidence which is tied into larger identity issues is responsible for this feeling despite all the evidence to the contrary that I not only know what I am doing at my jobs but that I am also recognized as doing it well. Because of being exposed to speaking to audiences of different sizes from an early age (debate, drama, training) I am also pretty good at extemporaneous and prepared speaking. I have often checked in on myself as I rattle off concepts and data to audiences surprising myself that I can maintain a dialog without putting much active thought into it. This helps at these meetings.

Also tied into this is my lack of proper business attire. One of the reasons I like working in IT is because for the most part it has kept from having to wear a suite/tie and even long pants. In my current role however I am often in rooms with a C(insert intial)O and it would work against us if my appearance were any type of issue. That said I am only one nice suit away from taking care of that concern, as the shoes, ties, etc are taken care of.

I think I am close to turning a corner in regards to my perspective on work and its relation to who I am. I recently cam to the conclusion that I need to find some kind of fulfillment in what I do for a living. This differs significantly from my previous approach to keep what I do for a living and to subsist completely separate and with no connection to the person I am. Despite my best efforts I care about the work I do as I want to make sure my duties whatever they are are done well allowing others to their tasks.

Not that I will take more import in what I do for a living but rather not dismiss it as just meaningless wigdet selling and paper pushing but as something that I can look at as an accomplishment with meaning, albeit shallow, within its own context. This is for the interim while I try to find a job that although maybe doesn't pay as well may offer more availability for personal satisfaction instead of having to convince myself that my efforts are not wasted. The only trick will be finding said vocation that doesn't involve helping or interacting with others too much (at least directly) as I am still a default misanthrope.

In Loving Memory Shakes Romero (1995-2007)

2007-10-31T11:27:00.000-05:00

As some of you may or may not know on of our cats, Shakes, has been battling cancer for over a year. We had to put Shakes to sleep yesterday. The 2nd anniversary of my Dad's fatal accident is tomorrow. This is a real shitty week.

Please make sure to take a minute to hug your loved ones and appreciate the good things in your life because take my word for it those moments will help greatly when dealing with life's major changes.

I will pick up posting again soon.

Part 2.....

2007-09-07T09:55:00.000-05:00

I actually finished this post in the original place I intended to write it, the NAP blog. So for the sake of consistency and to post something I will just copy that post with a short note to tie it to part 1.

I am constantly checking touring schedules of my favorite artists to see who might be coming to town or Texas. I am also always checking line ups for major festivals as going to Coachella in 2004 sold me that large festivals were events I did want to attend. I have always wanted to go to a European festival but until recently stateside festivals worth the travel and expense were few and far between. I probably get to 10 to 25 percent of the shows I want to attend. Time and energy are the reasons I don't make it to more shows. I sometimes have 10 hours days at work which leave me pretty wiped. Busy days usually mean the next one will be as busy so I need to rest. My lack of energy is probably tied to the lack of wanting to go someplace by myself.

As noted in J' post, I understand the old man blues when it comes to going to shows. Many a night I have sat on my couch contemplating whether or not to go to a show. If I go I often wonder how long until my back starts hurting and since I don't smoke cigarettes or really drink on weeknights I am often at a loss for what to do before and in between bands. I don't know anyone in the scene anymore and I am married so personal interactions are out unless I can convince someone to come with which is harder than motivating myself to go.

If I don't go I kick myself for not taking advantage of seeing a band I want to see actually coming to Houston instead of skipping us to play Denton and playing to a crowd probably smaller than in any other city/country, unless they are the hyped flavor of the month.

That said there are a few reasons I still go to live shows and being one of your show buddies for the last few years, I think they are related to why you still go despite your ambivalence.

Besides live shows there are few opportunities for me to actually enjoy any experience that involves any size crowd. The movies come to mind but that is in a darkened and hopefully quiet theater. I only go to an occasional baseball game so that leaves shows for interacting with the public.

It goes beyond just a place to be around other folk, but to be in place that other folk want to be in as much as I do which is what I enjoy. My recent favorite show experiences have been both at large festivals with huge acts and small intimate shows. I like aspects of both. Large events offer the communal experience that I do not get elsewhere. Small club shows offer the opportunity for close and possibly direct interaction with artists, which though a common experience to those in my social circle (music lovers and musicians) is actually not something most "fans" get a chance to do.

Recent examples that come to mind seeing Sonic Youth play Daydream Nation and Dan Deacon at this year's Pitchfork festival. I had high expectations for Sonic Youth's set and some reservations about the nostalgia trip. That is until I noted the excitement of all those smashed up with me towards the front of the stage and after the intro to Teenage Riot. They tore through the rest of the record making my entire trip to Chicago worth it the first night. I had waited a long time to hear some of those songs live and was very happy with the results. (I was happy to see Slint but under whelmed). Here is how their set started and ended. Should have heard the in between.

The real surprise was Dan Deacon. I will leave it to you to scour the intertubes for more information about him. My only take on him prior to the festival was that he was a one man mad electronic manipulator with lyrics about his personal geeky interests. That and that he was really hyped in the music blogs the kids read these days. This led me to believe he was useless musically and as a performer.

I was close to the side of the stage before he was slated to play so I decide to stay to check his set out for grins. I watched a nerdy balding guy set up a series of electronic gadgets and set it all up in the middle of the crowd instead of the stage.

He started his set by having the crowd scream "Sears Tower Future Pyramid" one syllable at a time. This led to an eruption of dancing and rapturous smiles as the first song started. I am not eloquent enough to describe the music and energy from his set so I will let my virtual hired hipsters at pitchfork to do it for me.

"What came out of the PA was a barrage of cheap-sounding, rainbow-hued, breakcore-tempo electronic noise. It felt like I was hearing my entire childhood record collection of cheerful kiddie 45s sped up on a hotrodded Fisher Price record player. Deacon himself was dancing along with a joyous palsy, singing through a scrim of squeaky effects. In a night where I'd shown up wanting dance music, Deacon had completely upended my expectations. He also made me a fan for life. A small handful of the grouches stood with incredulous arms folded across their chests and everyone else proceeded to freak the fuck out, almost as wildly as Deacon himself."

Normally I would be one of cross armed grouches but I was found myself smiling uncontrollably and dancing with the kids. I now cannot wait to see how a Houston crowd will react to Dan later this month. There will be at least one person freaking the fuck out with Dan.

Radiohead is a group I will specifically travel to go see play live not only because of how much I like their music but because their live shows are so tight and the fans are so into the shows. It is a nice feeling to hear tens of thousands of strangers sing along to the same song lyrics you have etched in your brain

As far as smaller shows seeing a reunited Sebadoh play 2+ hours at Walter's and seeing Sparklehorse and His Name is Alive both for the first time at the Proletariat were all great shows. I also made a trip to see Animal Collective in Austin and now cannot wait to see them again in a few weeks. I was very happy I made the effort to go to all these shows but there were many others I did not make.

I plan on rededicating myself to going to live shows by taking advantage of so many acts coming through Houston/Texas in the next 2 months so I hope to see some of you there.

Chi-city and the Pitchfork Festival or Why J should go to shows again...Part 1

2007-08-22T11:06:00.000-05:00

"Perhaps the most typically American place in America." James Bryce, 1888

The wife and I went to Chicago in July so I could attend the Pitchfork music festival for the second year in a row. I thought I would be going by myself as my usual show companion had already made alternate travel plans but at the last moment I convinced the missus that Chicago was a fun city to visit plus she wanted to check out the craft fair at the festival to see if she might want to participate as a vendor next year. Thought she is not a live music fan I got her a 2 day pass for Saturday and Sunday, while I had already bought a 3 day pass before acts were announced.

Buying tickets to a show when you don't know who will be performing would seem like a bonehead move. I would normally agree but this year the Pitchfork Festival was extended, adding a Friday night to the weekend schedule. The Friday night acts it was announced would be part of the 'Don't Look Back Series'. The series has artists performing records from beginning to end. Previous performances have included Low performing Thing We Lost in The Fire and the Dirty Three performing Oceans Songs. This was enough for me to buy tickets as soon as they went on sale despite having to probably go alone. Plus the festival itself is well organized and usually has an eclectic line up, this year being no different.

When it was announced that Sonic Youth would perform Daydream Nation on Friday night I knew I had made the right decision. I have been a Sonic Youth fan for while and have been seeing them live just as long. Though I have a special place in my heart for Evol and especially Sister (chock full of Philip K Dick references) Daydream Nation was the 1st Sonic Youth record I anticipated coming out. I remember being blown away hearing the whole thing from front to back the first time. It would still be 2 or 3 years before I would see then live for the first time. By then they had signed to a major label with grunge right around the corner. Their live set did not include a lot of stuff from Daydream Nation at that time so this would be my first chance to hear some of these songs live.

More in part 2......Publish Post

Last FM Thingee added

2007-08-21T16:01:00.001-05:00

Added a last.fm plug in to show what I music I am playing. If you are not familiar with last.fm it is a mash up of myspace, pandora, and any other random web 2.0 social networking site you can name. I like it because I can get suggestions for music, stalk my friend's musical tastes and in turn people know what I am listening to recently. Alas most of my last.fm "friends" who are active I don't really know so it would be nice to get some people on board who I know better so I can send messages trashing or praising their musical tastes.

Please note I have not detected nor read about any spyware, adware, or tracking besides the obvious associated with the last.fm if'n you care about intertube security and what not.

This thing is still here?!

2007-08-21T10:48:00.000-05:00

After a year plus I guess it is time for me to start posting again or at least feign another attempt to keep up with posting. Since the last entry mentioned more about music that sounds like as good a place to start back up as any other.

That said I will post about the shows that I have seen since the beginning of the year in reverse order starting with the Pitchfork music festival I attended in July. The post will be a long overdue response of sorts to this post by J who as some of you may know is often my show going buddy. (That is my term not his.)

Besides recommitting myself to maintaining this virtual connection to my friends I hope to inspire the same audience to resurrect their dead lonely blogs. You know who you are?

Back to the salt mine for now.....

So where was I?.......

2006-04-25T09:11:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the silence. Life got in the way.

As promised, some notes on music. I am a music lover for a couple of reasons. Since I can remember there has always been music playing. My dad always had music playing so I grew up with salsa (Celia Cruz, different salsa big bands from the Carribean and Latin America, etc.), jazz and 60's rock (Beatles, Stones the Animals, etc.). My musical tastes started with the Beatles and top 40 of the late 70's and early 80's. A compilation of songs from Beatles' movies was the 1st LP I purchased. I believe the 1st 45 I bought was Steve Miller's Abracadabra. (Please watch the video if you never have and you will understand why any rational persons that actually had to live through the 1980's [cause from what I read the 1880's were rad] want no part of any 1980's revivial or nostalgia).

Part of my distaste for 80's nostalgia goes back to my continued dissapointment with the times I have lived through. It seems I was born too late. Too young for punk or no/new wave I also had to endure the Reagan years, the war on drugs, AIDS, MTV, and what I consider the most damaging and critical to the success of the aforementioned, the golden age of marketing as a social and psychological science. I contend that none of the previously mentioned would have played such a large part in society if not for strides made in selling people shitty products and ideas.

I digress. My musical awakening happened right before middle school. Like everyone esle in my age group I was digging the days hits as shown in this list of rekkids released in 82. In addition the Deleon brothers had already indoctrinated me into all things classic and heavy rock.

I would like to say that I listened to these records when they came out in 1982:
# Big Science - Laurie Anderson
# Damaged - Black Flag
# The Sky's Gone Out – Bauhaus
# Groovy Decay - Robyn Hitchcock
# Everything Falls Apart - Hüsker Dü
# The Gift - The Jam
# Meat Puppets - Meat Puppets
# In My Eyes - Minor Threat
# Minor Threat - Minor Threat
# Bean Spill - The Minutemen
# The Blue Mask – Lou Reed
# Chronic Town EP - R.E.M.
# The Tunes of Two Cities - The Residents
# Stink - The Replacements
# A Kiss In The Dreamhouse - Siouxsie And The Banshees
# Under the Big Black Sun - X
# English Settlement - XTC

But my actual interests at the time read more like this:
# Lexicon of Love - ABC
# Asia - Asia
# Combat Rock - The Clash
# American Fool - John Cougar Mellencamp
# Too-Rye-Ay - Dexys Midnight Runners
# Oh No!, It's Devo - Devo
# H2O - Daryl Hall & John Oates
# Rio - Duran Duran
# Mirage - Fleetwood Mac
# The Number of the Beast - Iron Maiden
# Shabooh Shoobah- Inxs
# Night and Day - Joe Jackson
# Thriller - Michael Jackson
# Nylon Curtain - Billy Joel
# Screaming for Vengeance - Judas Priest
# Coda - Led Zeppelin
# Business as Usual - Men at Work
# Too Fast for Love - Mötley Crüe (debut re-release)
# Ghost in the Machine - The Police
# 1999 - Prince
# Diver Down - Van Halen

Well got to get back to work. More later on Ignatius and music

Quick one while he is at work......

2006-04-13T09:14:00.000-05:00

I've become a lazy blogger sooner than I thought. My apologies. Actually I tried to send a mobile post yesterday, but ran into technical difficulties.

Those that know me, may or may not know that this devout agnostic at one point was a devout Catholic up until my early teens. I even had thoughts of joining the clergy if biological imperatives and hormones hadn't interfered. Therefore, Holy Week still holds some fascination to me. Back in the cat lick days I would prep all week for Good Friday. Good Friday was filled with thoughtful reflection and prayer in memory of Christ's suffering, with Easter Sunday being a sort of sugar tinged anti-climax. No really.

I was a poseur compared to some of the fateful. Normally I dismiss people who refuse to have some grasp on the notion that maybe they do not have all the answers to life. Yet I do feel pangs of envy when I see 'fanatical' people who have devoted their entire lives to an idea or any other abstract. That includes guys like our friends pictured.

Part of my transition from cat lick to agnostic was helped by Philip K. Dick's writing. A lot of his best writing was devoted to his analyzing events that transpired in his life on 2-3-74. Basically these events led him to question the reality he existed in. These writings helped me to question my faith in any manner I wanted. This led to the dissolution of my faith then to a sort of renewal in my current agnostic viewpoint. Currently I only have faith in the thought that there are things in this universe that the universe in my head will never be able to reconcile and that's ok.

Happy Easter.

Anniversary

2006-04-09T20:52:00.000-05:00

The end of my week unfortunately did nothing to erase the crap from my shitty week. I was lucky enough to mark my first anniversary of marriage. Symbolic of our first year together the anniversary weekend was filled with emotional highs and lows. I have no complaints about the first year of marriage only about what life threw at us in the last year.
Top on the list of life's curveballs was my dad being killed in a work related accident 4 months ago. Suffice it to say my emotional and mental well being weren't 100% before his death and has certainly been anything but 100% since. The one constant thing that has kept me going it the love and support I have received from my wife. This isn't the first time she has helped me deal with a hard situation as my mom dealt with life threatening health issues three years ago which my wife helped me get through.

Normally I am not one to mark what I consider arbitrary and artificial calendar events, such as any Hallmark holiday, christmas, thanksgiving, etc. you get the picture. Birthdays are the only such events I find merit any attention. Though I must admit a fondness for May day. This last year I added two dates to remember, the day my father died and the day I was married. This is symbolic also as I am always in search of (and rarely ever close to) balance in my life. Again I have my wife to thanks for balancing the good and bad in my life.

Reminds me of the vows I said to her a year ago today. To paraphrase, I stated that I am person that doesn't believe in anything but love and friendship and I was lucky to find both in one person. Happy anniversary Booger, I love you.

Eeenie Meenie Minee Mo......

2006-04-08T19:20:00.000-05:00

Broke down and consumed like the good American I am. After agonizing back and forth between an ipod and psp for my roaming multi-media pleasure I decided on an iPod. Got the 30gb. I like the how the packaging asks not to streal music. Good try but a few years too late. Like apple doesn't know that one of the reasons their players are so popular, besided their nice egineering and aesthetics, is that folks have so much 'illegal/stolen' music they want to listen to, sometimes before they buy the cd or mp3 files. I am still planning on buying a PSP but only later when I can afford to get an everywhere/naitional wi-fi account and location free player so I can basically watch my tv/cable box from anywhere in world or get access to all the media on halputer. Ain' that something.

Lets begin again, begin the begin

2006-04-07T19:43:00.000-05:00

First post. Have to start somwhere. Crappy day filled with office existence ennui and anxiety. Still beats really working for a living which is a hard perspective to keep. More later. I promise not to be a lazy blogger. This space will be filled with complaints, musings, music, film, minutae of my everyday life, etc.
For now it will be anonymous except for those who know me, you know like in real life.